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How to Stop Being a Nice Guy and be the Hot Guy

The phrase "nice guy" does not exactly evoke a feeling of excitement from women and is undoubtedly a derogatory term for men in general. What exactly is a nice guy that women don't appear to want and that would make men cringe if they were ever labeled as one? And what can men do to avoid being that guy?



Before you think that all women are drawn to alpha males who are stereotyped for some reason as jerks or a-holes, and that the only way to get women attracted to you is to become a jerk yourself, then that is a misguided understanding of what actually draws women.


In the case of mating and attraction, we always need to get to the root of what people really want. And what women really want are GOOD MEN. And yes there is a stark difference between a good man versus a nice guy. The good man appeals to women, whereas the nice guy repels them.


Contrary to popular belief not all women are attracted to alpha males. There are quite a lot who are attracted to beta males. There are positive and negative traits to both. But these classifications are essentially immaterial when these men aren't providing what women actually innately desire.


And what do women innately desire despite all the categorizations that psychology can come up with? Again, I refer to the Good Man.


But before we understand the deep yearning for a good man, let's examine the character traits of the nice guy and what repels women from them before we contrast him with the good man.


The Nice Guy


Although it would seem that the word "nice" would automatically make it a good term, this is not the case; rather, the word has a bad connotation in general. The Nice Guy isn't really all that nice. He lacks confidence, so he merely pretends to be agreeable to attract attention from others.


The truth is, there is nothing authentic about the Nice Guy because he lacks much self-identity. And when a guy doesn't know who he is, and has no good foundation of himself as a person, he becomes utterly desperate to please just so he can be accepted.


How then can a woman be attracted to a man who is not even attracted to himself?

It is therefore safe to conclude that the opposite of a nice guy is not the jerk, but the good man.


The Good Man


True trustworthiness is embodied by the Good Man because his identity is deeply anchored in his principles. He truly believes in himself, and as a result, his confidence radiates. He gives more than he expects, therefore he is not dependent on other's approval. Giving and caring is a way of life for him and he is driven by the truth of treating others as he would like to be treated, regardless if they can do something for him or not.


People from all walks of life are drawn to the Good Man because his authenticity coupled with his confidence are a potent mixture of admirable qualities. The Good Man is certainly not a perfect man--for no one is--nor does he strive to be. The Good Man is a good man because he tries to live a life worth living.


Good Man vs Nice Guy


1. Confident vs Insecure


A Good Man is confident in himself and does not need validation from others that he is a great man, especially not from women which is why he doesn't disparage or criticize others in order to make himself look better. He genuinely loves himself and genuinely loves others. He views acceptance and rejection in the same way and understands that you must learn from both if you want to advance in life.


On the other hand, a Nice Guy not only puffs himself up, but also puts others down because he lacks self confidence and is constantly trying to please women so that he feels validated of his worth. When he is turned down, he becomes anxious, worrying that he is not good enough and needing acceptance to feel better about himself. The nice guys says negative things about the person that rejected him in order to boost his bruised ego.


2. Selfless vs Selfish


Because his kindness originates from his heart, a Good Man does good things as a way of life and continues to do amazing things when no one is looking. He gives out of the goodness in his heart and expects nothing in return.


A Nice Guy gives with the expectation of receiving in exchange for his so-called charity and maintains his public image in order to increase attractiveness but shows his true colors in the dark.


3. Leader vs Follower


A Good Man leads in the right direction and not follow in the wrong one. He is well aware that leading with integrity means working as a team in a spirit of respect and service to others. He embraces his masculinity and gently steers the relationship in the direction of love and success.


The Nice Guy follows whatever wind blows his way. He has no backbone and is readily mislead by those whose approval he so badly seeks. Because he adopts the personas of the people he admires, his opinions on anything shift so frequently that you hardly know who he really is. He is denied the respect and dignity given to a leader because he is a follower, blindly following anyone and anything.


4. Strong vs Weak


A Good Man compels respect because of his honorable traits; he doesn't even have to ask for it or force people to respect him. He only needs to enter a room for others to recognize that he is a man of dignity. A Good Man doesn't allow people to disrespect him and can't be bullied.


In contrast, the Nice Guy is so weak that he allows himself to be a doormat for others, believing that this is the only way to win their love and respect. If the the Nice Guy does engage in fighting back, he does so in a passive-aggressive manner, which only serves to highlight how confused and conflicted he is.


5. Honorable vs Dishonorable

A Good Man is one who keeps his word because he values it highly. He doesn't make promises he can't keep, but when he does make a commitment, he keeps his word and makes an effort to fulfill it. He stands up for what is right while avoiding the things that are wrong. People are drawn to him even more because of his commitment to integrity and trust. He does not flee or hide when things get difficult. The Good Man is not a quitter, thus he seeks ways to address the problems even when they seem insurmountable.


The Nice Guy, on the other hand, does the exact opposite. Because he lives by the maxim that promises are made to be broken, he makes commitments he knows he cannot maintain. He is viewed as being flaky and so not trustworthy since he says one thing while doing another. As a result, his word is not believed. He flees when the heat is too much for him because he abides by the notion that quitting is always an option.


6. Transparent vs Secretive


The Good Man and his genuine character traits radiate through his transparency. Because he is honorable, a Good Man has nothing to hide. Since he feels at ease with who he is, he never feels the need to conceal his genuine intentions.


The nice guy puts on a façade to hide who he really is because he worries that if others knew the real him, they wouldn't like him. His intentions are unclear. He rarely behaves in a straightforward manner, which makes it challenging for people to believe him.


7. Accountable vs Unaccountable


The Good Man sees everything as a learning opportunity and loves to improve himself because he knows that when he stops learning he stops living. Because pride is not a word that belongs in the vocabulary of a Good Man, when he makes a mistake, he accepts responsibility and is ready to apologize. He knows that his present and future success are in his hands regardless of what life may throw at him, therefore he doesn't offer excuses or place the blame on other people or external factors when his aspirations and goals aren't realized.


The Nice Guy, in contrast, is arrogant. He has no interest in growing or learning. Any criticism of him will only make him enraged and resentful because he is so outwardly conscious vs inwardly aware. He is quick to point the finger at others and place the blame there rather than on himself for his mistakes or lack of achievement in life. When things go wrong, he always sees himself as the victim, which only serves to reinforce his belief that life is out to harm him.


8. Forthright vs Dishonest


A Good Man will tell people including women what they need to hear even if it costs him the relationship. He speaks the truth out of love, not out of anger, bitterness, or callousness.


A Nice Guy will always say what people and women want to hear for fear of losing them.



Women naturally desire qualities in men that are seen as being extremely seductive, such as those that define a Good Man. Anyone can easily come to the conclusion that if you're a Good Man, you're the Hot Man. And women, love the Hot Men! So then therefore, the Nice Guy simply needs to be the Good Man. But it's easier said than done because the Nice Guy would most likely experience no change in his life despite inexplicably expecting a different outcome if he is too at ease in his daily routine or too afraid to let go of those attributes. The Nice Guy will not achieve any success if he stays in the same situation. The mind is where the change occurs. The Nice Guy has to come to a point where he says, "Enough! I want the better life. And the wonderful transformation in me is where my good life begins."

If you are a Nice Guy, all is not lost, you are NOT hopeless. You don't even realize how extraordinary you actually are yet. You weren't born a Nice Guy; your circumstances and surroundings made you into one. But you can't focus on blaming everything else. You'll have to let go of the past and the pain in order to be the amazing man that's waiting to come out of you. Self-awareness and acceptance that you need healing and emotional change are the first steps to take. I can help you transition from being a Nice Guy to a Good Man if you so choose.

I teach guys how to understand what truly draws women to them and how to tap into the hidden yearning that makes women gravitate toward men. I work with men to help them interact with women successfully so they can attract the ones they desire in the most natural instinctive way possible. Book a FREE 30-minute call with me and learn the best way to easily attract WOMEN. Discover how to use pure women's psychology and female behavior as revealed by a woman behaviorist to harness women's attraction on an intuitive level without the use of tricks or techniques. Follow me on Youtube to get more insights on women's minds and ways to capture their attention.

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